10 Tips for Overly Chatty People
Now listen.
Look.
I'm not being mean here.
But...........come on. Everyone reading this right now knows exactly what I'm talking about. In fact, you might be one of those people. You know, the ones with a lot to share, that has a lot bottled up in your brain that you feel compelled to "let out".
Let me let you in on a secret.
You talk way too much.
Talk, Talk, Talk, Talk.
Now before you get mad, start doing some snotting and snorting, and forcefully clawing at your chair in anger, I would like you to follow me for about 3 minutes here.
Here is my conception of human interaction.
1. Humans generally like and seek company of like minded humans.
2. Humans who find a liked minded inner circle generally share stories and scenarios that involves things of interest to the group as a whole or a part.
3. When meeting someone new........one can drop hints to see if there is mutual association on a given subject.
(Keep in mind that mutual association is not the bread and butter. "Mutual Interest" is the key.)
Now.
Consider the "Overly Chatty Person".
I find they come in a couple of forms:
1. People who like to talk about themselves.
2. People who like to talk about subjects not related at all to the person in which they are speaking towards
I had an old friend of mine, that for the sake of this article, I will just call "Bob". Someone I worked with in the past. Now Bob had this bad habit of talking, endlessly, on and on and on and on about places and people that I have never met and never desired to meet.
A conversation could go like this.....and happen out of completely nowhere:
HIM: Well, Jim, you know Jim, took this giant trailer full of magazines up to Canada on a trip to see his Aunt Betty.
ME: Who is Jim?
HIM: Oh. Jim! We used to called him "Ole Boy". You see, ole boy, used to work with me 20 years ago in the manufacturing and design division of a big corporation that makes textiles. Jim is married with a wife, 5 kids, and rides his moped to work. You know, Jim is a really good guy. But, just because he drives a moped, Jim is not a loser you know. Jim is actually a really awesome person. I mean, just an awesome person.
ME: Ok. That's cool.
HIM: Yea, Jim and I used to have the most amazing lunch break adventures. Man, there was some girls there where we work. Wow. These girls all had the big 1980's hair and the bunhugger bottoms. Jim and I used to hoot and howl like a couple of drunkards.
ME: That's great. Hey I need to get go.....
HIM: Well, hold your horses. Let me tell you about the magazines. The magazines he took to Canada were about wild birds, and these wild birds lay these eggs that are digenious to the southern part of the United States. You know, back in 1970, when I was down in Alabama, I met this girl who had a cat that ate a bird described in one of his magazines.
ME: Ok. I'm real sorry. I gotta run.
HIM: Hey! I understand. You are a busy one. Hey, let me tell you the rest of the story bout Jim. Well, Jim, you see...........
Hopefully, some of you get the point of my illustration. I have ran into so many people like this in my lifetime I've literally lost count of all of them. Most of the time, they really are good people, but they don't have the awareness acumen to judge whether or not someone is "into" what they are saying or not.
Henceforth, I present:
10 Tips for Overly Chatty People
Note:
All the above may not relate to every chatty person, but there is something here for all of you.
1. Discuss topics of mutual interest to the group. Do not go off on a tangent about the geography of India in a social exchange unless you know for sure that the people of the group want to learn or know about that topic.
2. Everybody has aches and pains. We don't need to hear about yours. Let us know every once in a while you that you are in pain. We will give you our suggestions to deal with it. You can then take it, or leave it, or bring the topic back up only if it's REALLY bothering you. Otherwise, we don't need to know about it all the time.
3. Talking is a 2 person game. One person who talks 90 percent of the time and only allows interjection 10 percent of the time is not a person people will fling to get to know. If the person is of high value, perhaps, but if you are an average, ordinary guy or gal, you can bet that no one wants to sit and listen to you rant about random things that are of no association to that person.
4. When in doubt............."go topical". There is nothing wrong with mentioning the weather, picking out something about a person's clothing and discussing it, or just discussing something that is mainstream. Of course, you never talk for the sake of talking. Which leads to.............
5. Value. Make people earn your intelligence if you have it. If you are a learned male, and you know anything about connecting with females, you know that the only thing they seem to respond to is value. Have you ever noticed how the guy in the room who is silent for 30 minutes, suddenly talks, and everyone stops and listens? But, when you talk, people are looking away or doing other things while you are talking? This is because you have established no value for yourself or for the conversation. You want to provide powerful solutions for people's problems and you want to show people that you are a person who has skills. Value.
6. Slow down. Talk slower. You will be amazed at how much people listen to you when you talk slower. And, when you talk slower, you can think longer, which allows you to assess the situation better and to calibrate your conversation to the group involved.
7. "You and Me" Conversations. Most of the best conversations, that produce the most relationships, are "You and Me" conversations. These are conversations where one person is talking to the other person who is present about their fears, dreams, challenges, accomplishments, and etc. This is why most "overly chatty people" get the label of talking too much. It's not that they talk too much, it's just that they don't talk about things that the people around them are interested in.
8. Find an outlet. You might find that you have interests and likes that local people simply do not like. In that case, join message boards, comment on blogs, or maybe even open a website that highlights and discusses your interests. You will be quite surprised when you find that you are FAR from alone with the other 6 billion people on Earth.
9. Self-Awareness. What are the people doing around you when you talk? Are they fidgeting? Making eye contact? Reciprocating on your discussion? If not, do one of two things. Either change the subject. Or simply shut up. Wait for an opportunity to interject something useful. If you can't.........there is much value in being a good listener. You win either way if you employ your self-awareness mental muscles.
10. Giving Credit where Credit is Due. That's right. Jon just earned you some social presence. A solution has been given to the questions you had about why people never seem interested in you while you speak. I do accept donations. I will love you long time.
Dear "Chatty People of the World":
It is my sincere hope that this article helped you today. Jon knows you are a good person. Jon knows you are interesting. Jon knows you have a lot to offer to the world. Right now, the only problem, is that you talk too much.
It's a small problem.
It's now fixed.
Thank you for your time today.
Did you find this article or website to be:
Informative?
Intelligent?
Thought Provoking?
Funny?
Or Interesting?
Then there is only 1 thing to do!
